


"you promised to stay"

by potatolesbian



Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Broken Promises, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:55:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27512668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potatolesbian/pseuds/potatolesbian
Summary: Day 4: Broken promisesTW// suicide, character death
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2005972
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	"you promised to stay"

He guessed it was never meant to be. Otherwise, why would Atsumu leave Sakusa like that? No, it was just never meant to happen.

He was never meant to meet Atsumu at a young age. They were never meant to play and laugh together when they were kids. He was never meant to fall in love with Atsumu like that and Atsumu never supposed to promise to stay. He was never supposed to stay only to leave him like that. It was never supposed to happen but it still did. And it didn’t hurt any less.

He always felt like Atsumu was always there. Ever since elementary school, Atsumu was just always there. He would be the one sitting with him in class. He would be the one to ask him to eat lunch with his twin, to play with them in the playground and do homework with them or something. If anything Sakusa remembers hiding or running away from Atsumu had always been difficult. Because he was always there. 

Once in middle school, he had a feeling he would never see Atsumu or Osamu ever again because they all had gone into different schools. There was some sadness lingering within him when thought about it. But that sadness didn’t last long when he came back from school to find Atsumu in his room. His middle school years had passed by with him being somewhat of a loner in school but that didn’t bother him because he knew Atsumu would still be there at home waiting for him. Cause Atsumu was always there.

He was there when he had to practice volleyball with him. He was there when they watched movies together. He was there when he came back crying because of something stupid his classmates said about him. He was there when both Sakusa and Atsumu were having a crisis about their sexualities. He was there telling Sakusa about having a girlfriend and then having a boyfriend and then neither. He was there when Sakusa was slowly realizing his feelings for him. He was there when at the last year of their middle school, he finally confessed his feelings towards him. He was there when they kissed. He was there.

So where was he now?

He remembers after they both graduated from middle school and they were both just sitting there in his bedroom playing video games. “Will we be okay?” Atsumu had stopped and looked him, “What?”

“You know, since we’re both going to different high schools, you think our relationship will be okay?”

“We literally go to different middle schools already.”

“Yeah, but high school is different. We’ll be busier and more serious. On top of that, we’ll be meeting new people.”

Atsumu didn’t reply and only started blankly. And then suddenly he smirked, “Ohoho you’re worried someone will steal me away from you.”

“What?! No shut up!”

“You are.” Atsumu repeatedly poked at him.

Sakusa slapped his hand away, “Stop it! You know what I’m sorry for even bringing it up.”

“Hey, I’m kidding,” Atsumu’s face softened and he tried to coax him, “We’ll be fine. Even if our relationship doesn’t last, I know we’ll still be friends.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“I just am. I promise to stay.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

If that’s what he said then where was he now?

Sakusa doesn’t know if there were some signs he missed. He doesn’t know if there were moments where he should’ve talked to Atsumu or been there for him. He sort of assumed that if there was something bothering Atsumu that Atsumu would just come and talk to him or something. So why doesn’t he know why Atsumu was gone?

Highschool was starting to get difficult for both of them but he believed they had always had found some sort of comfort in each other. So what was wrong now?

He remembers when both of them just wanted to be in each other’s presence so they had gone to a park with some steam buns. “What would you do if I was gone one day?” Atsumu had asked. Sakusa didn’t say anything for awhile trying to process what he had said. He just couldn’t imagine Atsumu just not being there.

“Like break up?” He asked.

“No more like, disappear out of existence. “

Sakusa shook his head, “That wouldn’t happen.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“I just am. Cause you promised.”

Atsumu didn’t say anything and just sighed, “Yeah, I promised.”

That memory now haunts Sakusa. Was Atsumu asking him to give him a reason to stay? Should he have said more? Was he burdening Atsumu instead?

He had always been so sure of Atsumu staying, he had never once thought of giving him a reason to stay. He never thought of him leaving him. He never thought of what he would do when if Atsumu just wasn’t there. So when he came back home to find that Atsumu wasn’t there waiting for him but instead his very distraught mother telling him what happened, he felt his whole body tear into shreds. He doesn’t remember what had happened right after she told him the news. According to his mother, he had only stared blankly at first but then started laughing about how it didn’t make sense then he was curled up into a ball, bawling his eyes out until he passed out.

He waited. Sometimes he would just sit in his room and wait. Wait for Atsumu to just bust his room without knocking. Wait for Atsumu to drag him to places he didn’t even want to go. Wait for Atsumu to come in and just rant about whatever happened in school. But he never came.

The more Sakusa waited, the faster the realization set in. It wasn’t the realization that he had back in middle school when he thought he would never see Atsumu. He had a sense of hope clinging on to him at the time. Now that sense of hope was no longer there. Now it was absolute that he would  _ never  _ see Atsumu again. That he was gone. And now it was more than sadness that was consuming him. He felt a great set of emotions just overwhelming him. He was sad, angry, desperate, empty and alone. He felt so alone.

He wanted Atsumu to come back so badly, he started looking for him in other places. He would go to places that Atsumu would drag him to even if he himself didn’t want to go. He would wait outside of Inarizaki to see if Atsumu would come out and greet him. He would look into their gym and count the heads to see if one of them was truly missing. He would wait at the park to see if he would just show up. Nothing.

The worst thing. He had tried to find Atsumu in Osamu. Osamu had come to check on him. They hadn’t talked after the news. He couldn’t help it. He was waiting again. He thought he finally came back. When he entered the room, he held him like that was the only thing keeping him together. He kept saying his same. Atsumu. Atsumu. AtsumuAtsumuAtsumu. He tried to kiss him only to see Osamu’s shocked face. He let go. Both of them didn’t say anything. Osamu looked like he was gonna break. He didn’t even say anything to Sakusa, he just turned around and left. The moment he left, Sakusa was shaking and crying. This was the last straw for him. Atsumu wasn’t there anymore. He was gone.

He kept crying and crying. 

“You promised to stay. So where are you now?”

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! this one is sort of connected to the last fic


End file.
